My Best Friend had an Abortion

Dear Shiloh,

I’m a senior in High School and so is my best friend. We are both strong Christians and we go to the same church. We are in leadership in our youth group at church so we have to be good examples for our friends at church and at school. I just found out last week that my friend had sex with her boyfriend which is a sin. Then I found out she was pregnant and the worst part is she had an abortion. I’m adopted and I’ve always known that I was adopted and that my birth mother tried to abort me. My best friend knows about that too but she still went through with having an abortion.

What should I do? She has ruined her witness. How will I look as a Christian leader of my youth group if I just act like what she did was okay?

Dear Best Friend,

Thank you for writing to me! I also was adopted as a baby. Your parents must love you so much. They chose you and that’s a very special thing. I bet they are also so proud of you for loving God and for being such a committed leader in your youth group.

I’m proud of you too for wanting to be such a good example for your friends at church and at school. God does want us to be good examples as leaders. I know you care about and love your friend. Let that love in Christ be the example you give for everyone who is watching this situation. Your friend needs your love and support right now and that is what God wants you to give her. Showing her love and forgiveness does not mean that you are acting like what she did was okay. It just means that you are truly being Christlike! It is not our job as fellow Christians to condemn someone when they are going through a problem. Let people know you as a leader who demonstrates the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.

I understand that you are thinking that she shouldn’t of had sex and gotten pregnant in the first place, but that is something that she will have to come to terms with and as her best friend, you can be there to remind her that those are the things Jesus got up on that cross for. Remind her that she is forgiven. And when the time comes that she is feeling guilt about having an abortion, she is going to need you more than ever. You be Christ to her at that point, and He would love her and tell her that He forgives her.

You do not need to worry that she has ruined her witness. This is part of her testimony now. She will be able to help others because of it. That’s something else you can tell her when she needs encouragement.

I believe that you are hurt over this more than you normally would be because of your own testimony. I want you to pray about that and make sure that you have forgiven your birth mother. Remember that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling! You have to keep yourself free of anger and bitterness, especially being in leadership, and the way to do that is to stay in forgiveness towards people. Always remember that Jesus is the only one who has walked this earth and been perfect and without sin.

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Please feel free to leave any questions or comments you have at the bottom of this page. Thank you!

Yours In Christ,

Shiloh Mandi Griffin, M.Ed.

Founder of

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4 comments on “My Best Friend had an Abortion

  1. Steph

    Hi Shiloh,
    Thank you for your post on the subject of a friend having an abortion. I have been pregnant 3 times and have 2 living children. My 1st born son lived 3 months before he passed away from complications during my pregnancy and his birth. There are may reasons a woman may choose to have an abortion and I am not one to judge. However, no matter the choice the pregnant woman makes, having a strong and loving support system of family and friends during this time is essential. God is love and the person who made the choice to have the abortion (right or wrong) should be loved while they deal with this very difficult time in their life. Again, thank you for providing this post.


    1. Shiloh Mandi Griffin Post author

      Hey Steph,
      Thank you so much for sharing your story. Whenever I hear about a mother losing a child, it just hurts my heart so much, but I do know your precious son is not gone but he’s in heaven and you will see him again.
      I also appreciate your comments on women who have made difficult decisions and I agree. Whether what they did was right or wrong is not for us to say; they do deserve and need our love and support.
      Be Blessed,

  2. Kayin Zeng

    Everyone has their own opinion on abortion. And here’s mine, don’t judge me.
    I actually have no problem with abortion if the she’s pregnant for just a month, because the embryo hasn’t even formed perfectly by then.
    Funny how my thoughts and opinion can shift so fast when she reached the 2-3 months mark.
    I would consider the person a killer if she did abortion then….

    1. Shiloh Mandi Griffin Post author

      Hey Kayin,
      I like that you said, “Don’t judge me,” because it is not our job or our place to judge people like that. That job belongs to God!
      Thank you for sharing!


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